


nothing is clear except for you

by takeitlikeagem (rosesandcinnamon)



Series: maybe i just wanna be yours [5]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Existential Dread, F/F, Human AU, WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED, comforting girlfriends, secretly romantic jasper
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-07
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-04-08 03:32:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4289103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosesandcinnamon/pseuds/takeitlikeagem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Jasper: come outside]<br/>She watches Peridot’s window, the faint glow from inside shifting when she looks out.<br/>The text comes quickly after that.<br/>[Peridorito♡: oh my god]</p>
            </blockquote>





	nothing is clear except for you

**Author's Note:**

> there is Too Much Sin in this tag. have some fluff.  
> all of this was inspired by a 100 ways to say i love you post- 16. “It’s okay. I couldn’t sleep anyway.”  
> (no specific song inspired this, work song from hozier is good mood music.)

She doesn’t like saying it, but her bed is cold and empty without Peri in it. She wants her tucked against her back, legs shoved up against hers. But something called “family obligations” exists, and here she is, alone.

It doesn’t take much to fall asleep for her, after she draws her blankets closer to try and pretend there’s more than her own warmth.

\--

Jasper wakes up, and is very furious about it. Something is fucking buzzing, and she flops her hand out to her nightstand, reaching for her phone. She finds it, and lights the screen up, groaning when it hits her eyes.

Two thirty-six, and her girlfriend is texting her.

[Peridorito♡: I’m COLD]

[Peridorito♡: I shouldn’t have read all those space facts]

Fuck, not this again.

[Peridorito♡: Jasper do you even know how small we are]

[Peridorito♡:There are things so big we don’t even have a way to conceptualize it]

She squints to type, halfway regretting answering her phone.

[Jasper: peri why do u do this]

The reply is unsurprisingly fast, texts coming one right after the other..

[Peridorito♡: I can’t sleep and learning is important]

[Peridorito♡: Do you think there’s other life in the universe]

[Peridorito♡: There has to be]

Jasper is too damn tired for this.

[Jasper: please tell me u havent had any caffeine]

[Peridorito♡: I had some coffee earlier]

Oh, they’re both fucked.

[Jasper: again why do u do this]

[Peridorito♡: Shut up]

She lets her talk for a while, about stars and nebulas and black holes that are entirely too big to be even real, and her eyes are drifting shut between buzzes. 

A couple of texts in a row make her wake up.

[Peridorito♡: We’re so small and so insignificant in the bigger picture I just]

[Peridorito♡: it’s really scary]

Well, that’s it then. It’s three o’clock in the morning, and Jasper is getting out of bed and throwing a hoodie on. Her hair is still in braids, to avoid monstrous tangles when she wakes up, but that's a minor detail.

Texts like that aren’t a good thing, and- it actually makes her remember the first night like this, before they were dating.

\--

_It’s too fucking late for this, but Jasper is awake anyway, reading her best friend’s texts about space and junk until she gets philosophical with it, and kind of terrifying._

_[Peridorito: Why do I care about grades when the universe is constantly expanding]_

_[Peridorito: They’re just numbers but there are more interesting numbers to focus on]_

_[Jasper: peri ur bein rlly weird]_

_[Peridorito: I know I know. Don’t worry though this happens all the time]_

_She read it once, and again before her fingers found the keyboard._

_That was confusing._

_[Jasper: it? never happens around me?]_

_[Peridorito: Of course not]_

_And the confusion was even worse. What did she even mean?_

_But another text came through too quickly for questions._

_[Peridorito: I’m gonna go to sleep. Night, Jasper.]_

\--

God, she had been oblivious to the way they both felt. It was right in front of her face and she just- didn’t try to look.

Brushing it off, Jasper follows the corner onto Peri’s street, giving a short reply.

[Jasper: smh peri]

[Peridorito♡: You’re helpful]

She rolls her eyes a little, and stops at the corner of her driveway.

[Jasper: come outside]

She watches Peridot’s window, the faint glow from inside shifting when she looks out.

The text comes quickly after that.

[Peridorito♡: oh my god]

The front door opens a moment later, and Jasper can’t help but smile. Peri’s in her classic outfit of leggings and a hoodie that is definitely not hers. She’s got those giant nerd glasses on, hair loose against her shoulder.

“Hey, nerd.”

Her voice is gentle.

“Nice braids, but- why are you here?”

When she’s close enough, Jasper ignores her comment and takes her hand, tugging her up the street.

“If you’re gonna be freaked out about stars, let me be with you.”

Peri doesn't say anything, but her fingers curl tighter to Jasper's. 

They walk down her street before anything more is said.

"So, tell me about your existential crisis of the week."

Peridot sighs in a way that Jasper is entirely not fond of.

"It's just- it's hard. Everything is so big and there couldn't possibly be any point to it. But if there is none, what does that mean? Are we all just random occurrences that play out our lifespans and disappear?"

Jasper lets go of her hand to put an arm around Peri, pulling her close.

"And like- so many people do find meaning in it. My _parents_ do, and I wish I could, but..."

The break in her voice kills Jasper, but she continues as they keep walking towards the neighborhood playground.

“I don’t know what’s worse, trying to believe that there is a point to it, or- just living.”

Jasper sucks in a breath, unable to come up with a good response on the spot, but Peri keeps talking anyway.

“I’m sorry, I- just get weird about it late at night. And you didn’t have to come do this, you know.”

Jasper smiles over her head, speaking softly.

“It’s okay. I couldn’t sleep anyway.”

She knows Peridot has probably never heard a more blatant lie in her life, but at the edge of the park’s grass, she turns to look at her in the faint light from the streetlamps. Her arm slips from her shoulders, but Peri tiptoes to put her arms around Jasper’s neck, and her lips are gentle. She draws back too soon, but her smile is worth it.

Reminded of her original plan, Jasper takes her hand and leads her to the swings.

Peridot laughs as they settle in, her thighs fitting much more comfortably than Jasper’s. She tips her head back, and looks at the sky. There’s not much to be seen of the stars in the suburb, but it’s still nice to look up into the dark night.

Jasper’s warm hand touches hers, and their fingers curl together.

Their feet drag in the bark of the playground as they swing lazily, and Peridot is staring at the sky, but Jasper’s eyes are on her.

She can’t find anything to be afraid of out here.

\--

After walking Peri home, Jasper is back in her bed, deeply tired. Her eyelids have drifted shut, body completely relaxed, and she’s on the verge of sleep when her _phone buzzes_. She stares at the ceiling in exasperation for a moment, and rolls over to check the message.

Jasper can’t believe the words she reads.

She blinks to clear her vision, trying to convince herself it’s just the bright light of her screen.

It’s not.

[Peridorito♡: I love you]

A smile spreads across her face, and she replies simply.

[Jasper: i love you too]


End file.
